Maybe you missed these feel-good news items….

— A rhinoceros poacher in South Africa died after he was stomped by an elephant and eaten by lions. True.

— A robber-wanna-be held up a store in Washington state and was making off with money when he accidentally shot himself when he got stuck in the door on the way out. Really happened.

— Donald Trump told French firemen fighting the Notre Dame Cathedral fire they should use flying water tankers. Of course he did.

It’s hard to categorize the levels of stupidity shown in these three extremely unrelated instances. But Donald Trump’s feeble-minded ideas are on some heretofore unimagined planet of incompetence. On the leaderboards of lying, hypocrisy and corruption, Trump rides high. And now he claims a title for just plain stupid.

In other news…

Utah just legalized sex before marriage. Wow, talk about the cart pulling the horse.

And Kentucky has just outlawed bestiality. That right – they JUST made having sex with animals illegal. Not sure whether that accounts for Kentucky’s population growth — or its decline.

more to come….

Shhhh, the “c” word is still lurking out there, somewhere. Or everywhere.

No, I’m not talking about “collusion.” It seems the Mueller Report has made clear there wasn’t any between the Trump administration and Russia in connection with the 2016 election. Or at least that’s what we’re given to believe based on Attorney General Barr’s summary of the report. It would be a whole lot better if we could read the entire report, of course, and that’s what at least the Democrats in Congress are asking for.

But again, based on Barr’s summary, there’s another “c” word that is still in play — and that word is, of course, “corruption.” Or, to put it another way, “the Trump administration.”

The Mueller Report apparently did not exonerate Trump and his cronies from obstruction of justice tied to the Russia investigation. But exactly what did it conclude about possible obstruction? Well, we don’t know. Barr isn’t explain that in is summary. So we need to have the full report to know if there’s anything hiding there or whether Trump has a clean slate, as unlikely as that seems.

In the meantime, we’re now getting Trump’s exaggerated claims that he’s perfectly innocent of everything. That much was expected. And Trump and his allies are going after their Democrat antagonists hard, calling for investigations of their “traitorous” comments. Okay, then let’s also go after those politicians whose words for Mueller and his cohorts have followed the very same track: traitors. For two years Trump has been calling Mueller’s investigation a witch hunt. Now that he likes the results, Trump isn’t so sure it was a witch hunt after all.

Perhaps its silly — or ridiculous — to imagine that everyone might apologize a little and we get on with business. But in this highly polarized world of ours, there will never be any apologies, which probably doesn’t matter because no one seems to be able to get anything done anyway. The “other side” remains a treasonous assortment of malcontents.

So does the Mueller Report actually settle anything? At this point the answer has to be — no idea yet. We have got to be able to read and digest the results of that two-year probe. Maybe it will show us Trump is clean though with the sentences and indictments for so many of Trump’s closest allies (think Cohen, Manafort, Flynn, etc.) that seems about as likely as Lindsay Graham behaving like a statesman or Rep. Steve King denouncing white nationalism.

So let’s hold off all our fervor and instead focus on getting all of the Mueller Report made public. Donald Trump is and will always be a dim-witted man who lies, cheats and casually undermines the foundations of democracy with his malodorous, incompetent behavior, but maybe there’s an instance where he has played it right.

Yeah, and I’m the Pope.

Hey, how are you getting along during our national emergency?

Are you staying close to the house, all the lights on, your herd of guns at the ready? Are you keeping a close eye on Fox News for the latest on the threats heading our way? Are you checking out your food supplies to be sure you can survive the hordes of zombie immigrants determined to extinguish your life and that of millions of other Americans?

I thought so.

Here in Connecticut we seem, understandably perhaps, not overly concerned about all those unnamed “threats” streaming across our unguarded southern borders. But oddly, most folks in New Mexico, Arizona, California and Texas don’t seem any more concerned. In fact, most of them apparently don’t know why our president declared a national emergency that only he sees as an emergency.

Could it be because our congenitally lying president is lying once again? Well, does that infamous bear poop in the woods? (Those are rhetorical questions; no need to reply to me with your answers)

He’s lying, however, only on certain things, like for instance the fact that thousands of criminals are pouring across our unguarded borders every day bringing with them murderers, rapists and drug dealers, none of whom are white. Ah, maybe that last thing is correct, but that’s upsetting only to people named Steve King, David Duke and president what’s-his-name.

Anyhow, the facts are, of court, that there aren’t thousands of illegals coming into our country every day — immigration legal and otherwise is way down from way back when — and that our borders are not unguarded. Drugs, by the way, come into the country through ports of entry, not across sagebrush deserts in Arizona and Texas. But, like I said, those are only easily verifiable facts, which anyone can look up.

And so, the horrors of our national emergency continue. I urge you to do your part: buy war bonds, get food rations and pray a lot. I could tell you what to pray for, but hy spoil it. You know what to do, right?

And thanks for your cards and letters on my absence from this site. I’m back, baby, and I’m not leaving until our national nightmare (emergency?) is over.

Important News: Pabst Brewing Company is taking MillerCoors to court claiming that company is threatening its survival by refusing to brew Pabst’s beers.

Important question: Is MillerCoors trying to do Americans a huge favor by not brewing Pabst’s products?

Think about it: Why do we have a Pabst Brewing Company that in fact does not brew any of its own beers? Why couldn’t it be called the Pabst Quiltmakers Guild, or maybe Pabst anything else?

No seriously, think about it: When it comes to bottom feeders, that’s where you’ll find Pabst. The Pabst lineup of what we’ll charitably call beers includes in addition to Pabst Blue Ribbon the brands Old Milwaukee and Lone Star. What an unholy (and mostly undrinkable) trio of crappy brands. They are, in fact, even lower on the scale of tolerable that what you’ll get from MillerCoors (think Miller and Coors).

Did you know: There was once concern that if horses had to relieve themselves in cans and bottles the results would taste like Pabst beers, but …. oh, wait a minute, I’m being told that IS how they are produced. And whole lawsuit may have to do with who owns the horses.

History lesson: I used to drink Pabst (and Miller, for that matter) when I was a kid. That was back when Izzard Charles was heavyweight boxing champion (remember him?) and teenagers didn’t care what a beer tasted like, only that it was cheap. It was cheaper than Budweiser, which shows you just how incredibly low the bar was way back when. And Budweiser owned it’s horses, if you know what I mean….

The solution: If Pabst’s beers and MillerCoors were to go down the sewer together, no beer drinkers would be the worse off. But if its just Pabst, then we’re cutting the sewer a small break.

Some random thoughts after a mostly encouraging mid-term election…..

— The counting of some votes in Connecticut were delayed because, according to beady-eyed vote-counters, they were damp since it rained during the balloting and voters carelessly allowed raindrops to drip on their paper ballots. Of course the rain may have been yet another sneaky Republican effort at voter suppression since damp ballots occurred mostly in Democratic precincts.

— The recounts are getting underway in Florida. Again. 2000 Redux. Floridians should just go ahead and set up drinking parties to entertain themselves during the process. And since the process will likely go on until January I’d suggest some serious visits to the liquor stores.

— Voters in one Nevada district overwhelmingly voted to send a dead Republican pimp to the state legislature. Apparently they felt a dead Republican pimp was better than a live one.

— Remember occasionally peeing in your pants when you were very young and got all excited about something? It’s not hard to imagine Donald Trump peeing in his diaper when he announced that the results of the mid-terms represented a “great victory” for Republicans. He consistently gives new meaning to the “L” words: Loser and Liar.

— After a bitter battle for the governor’s office in Connecticut, it was refreshing (and downright rare) to hear the Democratic winner declare his promise to pursue bipartisan solutions to the state’s financial issues AND to hear his Republican opponent pledge cooperation from his party. Let’s hope something good comes from this.

— Democrats claimed every statewide office in Connecticut, but as impressive as that sweep was it didn’t match what happened in Maine, where a Democratic woman won the governor’s office and Democrats took control of the legislature after years of regression under the GOP and its demented governor Paul LePage. It’s ok to go back to Maine now.

Recent events have brought back to mind a disturbing incident that occurred many years back, during my middle school years, in fact.

We were outside enjoying recess on a sunny day when a group of 15 kids came marching out of the principal’s office headed for one of our playmates, who was off to himself on a far side of the playground. The 15 kids — all boys — surrounded the lone student and apparently a fist fight broke out.

Before we knew what happened, the kid was dismembered. You can imagine our surprise. The 15 kids quickly disappeared around a corner, and the principal appeared to reassure the rest of us that the poor lone student was just fine and had been seen leaving the playground. That seemed hard to believe, but, well….

The next day the principal told us that he had no idea what had happened on the playground. The following day he announced that a group of “rogue kids” had showed up in his office but that he had no idea what they were up to. And later the principal told us that there had been a misunderstanding and that the 15 kids had only gone outside to tell the student it was time to return to class and that regrettably a fight broke out.

You know, those things just happen, don’t they? And besides, the principal added that he had no idea that anything might go wrong. Further, he assured us the 15 students would be suspended from school for at least three days.

I think there were some parents who were a tad upset about this, but they didn’t want to ruin the school year for anyone else or anything like that, so the incident was largely forgotten.

I managed to put it out of my mind until that recent story about the disappearing Saudi journalist. But I’m sure we’ll all forget about that soon. After all, it’s important to keep our focus on the future

I simply can’t go on any more pretending not to be aware of what’s happening in America these days. It’s time to call a spade a space. Or rather, a doughnut.

Yes, the American institution known as Dunkin’ Donuts is has decided to change its name. Or rather it’s shortening its name, and I don’t mean it is going to start call itself just “Donuts.” That wouldn’t be right, not least because that is not the way doughnuts is spelled.

Millions of trusting Americans are now upset over this unilateral decision by DD management. Or perhaps now it’s merely “D” management. So are we supposed to get used to seeing a giant “D” above our long-time favorite outlets? And when you see one of those signs how will you know whether it’s Dunkin Donuts or Disney, Dollar General or, heck, maybe Duke University?

Here’s what’s really misleading about this: Dunkin is not doing away with Donuts. They will still be selling them, holes included, at every one of their stores. If you want a doughnut when you walk into the store, you’ll have to ask for it. Of course, you have to ask for it right now. So there’s that.

W don’t know why management decided to call itself Dunkin. Without donuts in the title, there’s no long any hint of what we ought to dunk into what. I’m not about to try dunking one of their cream cheese bagels into my cold brew, but without some help and guidance, will others fall into this trap? It’s regrettable t consider, but if it does the fault lies with an uncaring management.

I could go on, but frankly I’m too upset. At a time when American Democracy seems to be spinning out of control, this is the last straw. If you can’t count on Dunkin’ Donuts, what can you trust? And what’s next? Krispy? Colonel? Shame everywhere….

So how’s our ethically and morally challenged president doing with all those promises he’s made to his supporters? Oops, not too good, it seems.

Remember a couple of his biggest pledges: drain the Washington swamp and build that wall (and get Mexico to pay for it)? Well, how’s that working out for everybody? If by draining the swamp you mean firing a few of the douchebags you hired for your staff, then yes, president donald is gradually draining the swamp. Except that he’s replaced them with even bigger and more corrupt incompetents who are wasting the taxpayer’s money at faster rates. That means the bottom line for this promise is — wait for it — promise not kept, not even close.

So how about the wall? You may have noticed it hasn’t been built. You may have observed that it doesn’t have the support of (Republican majority) Congress. Heck, you may even have noticed polls showing a huge majority of Americans don’t want it. And for head men’s sake, please don’t bring up the notion that Mexico will pay for it. Trump will be releasing his tax returns at Nancy Pelosi’s home before that happens.

And speaking of his tax returns, does anyone recall that during the debates with Hilary Clinton he promised he would be making his tax returns public in just a few days? Or was it a few years? Or was it never? Chalk that up to yet another promise never kept (and never intended to be kept).

Let’s move on to all the benefits to taxpayers from donald’s tax reform bill passed last year by Congress. Remember how the president assured taxpayers they’d be in for huge tax cuts? Well, donald did keep that promise, at least if you are among the very wealthiest Americans. For the rest of us, the solace benefits have been mostly invisible. Wages for everyone but the richest have been nearly stagnant in the last six months and getting more so. This was a promise most cruelly not kept. And decently promised at best.

But how about the economy, one of donald’s loudest promises lately? We’ve already mentioned wage stagnation, but consider how gasoline prices at the pump have jumped over the last six months of donnas administration? how much more are you spending there? More than enough to offset any income gains, I suspect, and those prices are only going to keep rising. Thanks Mr. president. And more bad news for taxpayers is coming as a result of the president’s poorly thought-out tariffs: soon you’ll begin paying a lot more for foods, tools, cars…. that will really cut into that extra money you’re undoubtedly stockpiling as a result of the tax cuts.

There’s more of course. After all, this president is really HUGE on promises. But let’s save those for another day. Sadly they aren’t disappearing any faster than donald’s lies.

Let’s face facts: Donald Trump is a coward. But far worse, he gives every appearance of being willing to betray his country to a foreign power.

He’s a coward because while he talks big, he cowers when it comes to actual confrontation. He lacks the backbone — and the intelligence and decency — to face Vladimir Putin and accuse him of what we know to be a fact: Russia interfered in the 2016 presidential election an tried to see that Trump got elected.

That’s the conclusion of Trump’s own Justice Department and the Mueller investigation, which has indicted 12 Russian agents they believe played key roles in the hacking of the DNC files. But the President of the United States doesn’t believe them. He doesn’t even believe Russia had anything to do with the election because — get this — Putin told him so. He asked Putin if he ha interfered, and Putin said no. So Trump, a miserably cowardly human being, accepted that in place of an investigation by American agencies.

If that doesn’t represent a betrayal of America and American interests, what would you call it?

And so, Trump continues to glide from mere incompetence and egotism to a shunning of America’s basic democratic ideals and a willingness to submit himself and his country to the whims of a foreign power — and an unfriendly one at that.

That’s downright scary. So scary that you would expect members of Trump’s Republican party to step up and denounce it. It is unprincipled, and it is disgusting. And you would be wrong if you believe that more than a handful members of the GOP would speak up in defense of their country. That’s shameful.

There is at least one way to try and put an end to this madness, this meanness, this resort to traitorous behavior by the President. Vote to replace the Republicans in the Congress this year. And vote out Donald Trump in 2020. If you are a patriot — heck, if you are an American — you can do no less.

“A House divided against itself cannot stand.” – Abraham Lincoln.

So, Donald Trump can invite brutal dictator and mass murderer Kim Jong Un to visit the White House but not the Philadelphia Eagles? Welcome to American Democracy 2.0.

Trump had his summit with Rocket Man and swooned. Kim was “very honorable, “very smart” and “very worthy.” He’s beloved by his people which anyone can tell because of their “fervor,” says our president. And yes, viral threats of death will have a lot of helpless citizenry shouting adoration with fervor.

But let’s not kid ourselves even as if Trump can so easily delude himself. This summit was a victory for Kim: recognition as legitimate on a world stage, securing an apparent end of U.S. military maneuvers with South Korea, and a limit on further economic and political sanctions. And what did Trump get out of this? A vague agreement for North Korea to work toward denuclearization, something the regime there has promised at least three other presidents without taking anything seriously. In other words, Trump remains a unable to broker a fair deal for the country he professes to care about.

This was a kind of diplomacy to be sure, but it was at the very least bad diplomacy. We’ll have to wait a bit to see how it turns out, but most of us already can make an educated guess: Trump somehow managed to bankrupt his gambling casinos, and now he’s proving he can do it on a much bigger and more important stage.

Our new friend is Kim Jong Un. Our new enemy is Canada? How backwards have we become. Allies are enemies, vicious dictators are our best buds. America is in trouble.

And by the way, the dishonesty of Donald Trump knows no limits, up or down. The New York attorney general has filed suit against the Trump Foundation and three of his family members for persistent illegal conduct in the operation of their supposedly charitable foundation. It seems Trump oversaw a foundation that didlittle for charities while enriching itself by paying off his business creditors and becoming entangled in his election campaign.

The suit is far-reaching and is humiliating. To have a man holding the greatest office in the land to have done such small, mean and selfish acts through his charitable foundation is atrocious and ought to disqualify Trump from the human race (at least for decent members of that race). And the suit notes that the foundation board of directors — mostly Trump’s family — failed to oversee the organization’s operation and, in fact, haven’t had a meeting since the beginning of the 21st century.

The bar is now so low, of course, that it’s actually reasonable to wonder how many people will be upset by this revelation, and how many will simply toss it off as “doesn’t matter” because “he has my back,” whatever that means in a nation gone awry.