Surviving the National Emergency

Hey, how are you getting along during our national emergency?

Are you staying close to the house, all the lights on, your herd of guns at the ready? Are you keeping a close eye on Fox News for the latest on the threats heading our way? Are you checking out your food supplies to be sure you can survive the hordes of zombie immigrants determined to extinguish your life and that of millions of other Americans?

I thought so.

Here in Connecticut we seem, understandably perhaps, not overly concerned about all those unnamed “threats” streaming across our unguarded southern borders. But oddly, most folks in New Mexico, Arizona, California and Texas don’t seem any more concerned. In fact, most of them apparently don’t know why our president declared a national emergency that only he sees as an emergency.

Could it be because our congenitally lying president is lying once again? Well, does that infamous bear poop in the woods? (Those are rhetorical questions; no need to reply to me with your answers)

He’s lying, however, only on certain things, like for instance the fact that thousands of criminals are pouring across our unguarded borders every day bringing with them murderers, rapists and drug dealers, none of whom are white. Ah, maybe that last thing is correct, but that’s upsetting only to people named Steve King, David Duke and president what’s-his-name.

Anyhow, the facts are, of court, that there aren’t thousands of illegals coming into our country every day — immigration legal and otherwise is way down from way back when — and that our borders are not unguarded. Drugs, by the way, come into the country through ports of entry, not across sagebrush deserts in Arizona and Texas. But, like I said, those are only easily verifiable facts, which anyone can look up.

And so, the horrors of our national emergency continue. I urge you to do your part: buy war bonds, get food rations and pray a lot. I could tell you what to pray for, but hy spoil it. You know what to do, right?

And thanks for your cards and letters on my absence from this site. I’m back, baby, and I’m not leaving until our national nightmare (emergency?) is over.