Imagine the scene. It’s almost Christmas at the North Pole. The elves are scrambling here and there on their many tasks, and ‘ol Santa Claus himself is overseeing the blur of activities. During a break in the afternoon, Santa agrees to hold a press conference to answer questions about the holiday preparations from eager members of the media.

Here’s a transcript of that press conference between media members and Santa, who is disguised as Bill Belichick, coach of the New England Patriots, wearing a Christmas hoodie and an impatient scowl.

Santa (Belichick): OK, let’s go.

Media: Santa, how are the preparations coming?

Santa: Everything is fine. We’re taking it one toy at a time.

Media: How would you characterize your mood Santa?

Santa: I’m not interested in moods, only in the job we have to do.

Media: Oh come on, Santa, how is your mood on this eve of the big holiday.

Santa: (unsmiling) Jolly.

Media: What special things are your elves up to today?

Santa: We want to keep everyone focused on getting ready.

Media: Are some toys in demand this season?

Santa: I’m just focused on getting ready.

Media: We notice one of the elves appears to be hurt. Will he miss out on the fun?

Santa: I’m not going to talk about that.

Media: Why not?

Santa: We are focusing on the upcoming holiday.

Media: How is Mrs. Claus doing this year?

Santa: (extra scowling) No comment.

Media: Will Mrs. Claus be making you some cookies and cakes for your long journey?

Santa: We are taking it one toy at a time.

Media: How is Rudolf? Will he join the other reindeers this season?

Santa: I’m not going to talk about personnel.

Media: What are you willing to talk about Santa?

Santa: Staying focused on the job we have to do.

Media: Could you tell us how you plan to get down all those chimneys in one night?

Santa: I’m not going to say anything that might give away our game plan. Are there any more questions?

Media: How do you manage to get everything done year after year Santa?

Santa: We’re making one toy at a time.

Santa: Is everything alright here Santa?

Santa: Next question?

Media: Santa, how come you’re wearing a hoodie and not that red suit.

Santa: (Silence) (Serious scowling)

Media: Is there anything else you want to say, Santa?

Santa: No.

Media: Well then, Merry Christmas, Santa.

Santa: We’ll see.

(End of Transcript)