The online headline really grabbed my attention last week: “James Bond Sequel To Film in New Hampshire.”

Talk about WOW! The story reported that fans of the Bond movies were having mixed feelings about the surprise change of locations for the upcoming 24th film in the hugely popular series. “A Bond film is known for its exotic locales, so I get a little nervous when I read about director Sam Mendes securing the rights to shoot in downtown Concord and scouting covered bridges for the opening action sequence,” fan Peter Harris said in response to the absolutely astonishing news.

The film, according to the article, will feature Agent 007 tracking a shadowy terrorist organization through conservation centers, hiking trails, maple syrup farms and craft museums throughout the rural state, culminating in a final confrontation at the Franklin Pierce Homestead. Fans were also reportedly divided over the decision to change the name of the film from “Spectre” to “Live Free Or Die.”

OK, by now, even the densest of readers must have realized something is amiss. As indeed it is, since this news report appeared in The Onion, the satiric newspaper that re-imagines the news as sort of a parallel universe. (Other recent headlines: “Elderly Woman Begins Freezing Meals Husband Can Eat While She’s Passed Away” and “Desperate GOP Spotted in South Dakota Trying to Build Keystone Pipeline Themselves.”). You get the idea, I’m sure.

But stop and think about it for a moment. Why shouldn’t 007 traipse around our beloved Granite State disposing of spies and various and assorted bad guys? What better place for the villains to hide than somewhere in the Great North Woods where the lakes are called Connecticut Lake 1 and Connecticut Lake 2? Who but Bond would ever figure out they’re actually in New Hampshire and not The Nutmeg State?

I see a lot of opportunities for James Bond’s escapades in New Hampshire to thrill the most sated of adventure-loving moviegoers.

Can’t you just see the drama and surprise afoot when Bond pursues the evil ones up Mount Washington? They’re all dressed like Palm Beach tourists at the base, but as they proceed upward — using the cog railway would give everyone plenty of time to admire the gorgeous scenery — only 007 understands the temperature will drop by 40 degrees and it will be snowing by the time they get to the top, the villains now helplessly shivering and easy prey for the master spy.

When something as harmless and charming as Keene’s Pumpkin Festival goes awry, who better to resolve all the issues than 007 with his amazing array of gadgets (like a pumpkin device that wraps would-be miscreants harmlessly in an orange, gooey substance that smells a lot like a pie)?

And for that big finish for the film at the Franklin Pierce Homestead, wouldn’t it be thrilling to have the film’s stars taking time during the derring-do to talk about the accomplishments of the nation’s 14th President, skipping over only those parts about his excuses for slavery, his denunciation of Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation and his generally high ranking among America’s worst Presidents (talking about you, Millard Fillmore and James Buchanan).

Heck, maybe the fabled secret agent could somehow even manage to penetrate the ultra-secretive offices of FairPoint Communications to bring an end to the onerous strike that has crippled phone service for many Granite Staters. Wouldn’t that be worth at least a standing ovation in the theaters?

Frankly, I can’t wait for the filming to start. I’m already smiling at the prospect of Daniel Craig jostling for space with the likes of Hilary Clinton, Jeb Bush, Rand Paul, Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz and everyone else who’s spending some serious quality time in New Hampshire.

I’m not sure we’re big enough for all of them to co-exist. In which case they may spillover to Vermont, which could lead us to a round dairy farms, maple syrup stands, cheese makers and unpaved roads. And — could you imagine the bad guys trying to make a successful getaway anywhere during our mud season?